[I know, I know; haven’t I learned my lesson?]
SHE LOVED SINGING
She loved singing
Chanted hymns softly in the month of July
Stuttering canticles of innocent twinkling
Stars in my declining midnight sky
She whistled lilting tunes, chosen and few
They taste of comfortable familiarity
But also of sparkling new consonants blinking merrily
She hummed me a love song out of her soul
It was golden with her sunset and hot on her coals
And finally she whispered
Into my ear
Of questions and doubts and things that she feared
But I cannot sing or tell her the future
All I have is a headless hope
Running and tripping whither it will
So we walk by faith and not blind eyes of stone
TWENTY-ONE AND FOUR
(6/21/03)
Surface conditions are vastly overrated
And time moves slowly through my lackluster veins—
From my brain to my heart,
To the tip of my tongue
Bled to life slowly on the sharp point of four years
If I didn’t have you, I’d drink you in like tears
Sitting downtown, daydreaming you into existence
Your skin is citrus in our deafening dark
All cinnamon blush and ignited spark—
From my far-flung first touch
To the ends of your earth
Fashioned of my bone, beckoned of my flesh
Twenty-one and four in the past
If I didn’t know you, I’d taste you like my dreams
Smiling myself awake with your faintly liquid laugh
Your breath in my ear with simple imprecision
More beautiful than flame
From a sinking suspicion to a bittersweet bliss,
To your twenty-five carat kiss–
Of all the things I’ve heard, this alone has not been named
(I love you Tennille…)
Balaam's Ass 
Second poem, last four stanzas. A solid clear theme. Heartfelt and with a level of depth in the meaning which could relate to your specific target as well as any given couple. And a few pesonal elements that only you and she may fully understand, giving it a very personal twist.
Second poem, first stanza. You could remove this stanza and still have a nice poem.
First poem. Didn’t grab me as much as the second poem. But maybe this is one of those poems targeting a very specific audience and that specific audience is the only opinion that really matters. Maybe we should hear Tennille’s opinion?
Beautiful poetry. 🙂 Being a woman who has a soft spot for the written word, I think that any lady love would enjoy the flourish of your penned thoughts.
There you go Tim…
Jenna likes it. So it doesn’t matter what I think.
And now you’re a poet.